I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
