apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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