i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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