We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
How's work?
Spinning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
