I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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