You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
