last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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