Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
