Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
