Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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