my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This toilet bowl is my home.
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