I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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