the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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