i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
