Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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