I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
