So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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