there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
