Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
