I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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