i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude i'm inner monologue high
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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