I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
