i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
