Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
