Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
