Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
