Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
