She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
