how can u be prego again
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
