Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Terrible idea I love it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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