First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i think my cat just said my name.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
