im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
