you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
