yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
