im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
