What a fucking waste of an outfit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
