i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
