Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
