shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
