filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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