Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
