My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
