are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
