Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
