I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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