The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
