So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
