Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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