omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
