i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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