called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
