I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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