apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
