anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
