I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
