I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You were trust falling into bushes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
