My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
