You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
