1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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