She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
