I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
