I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So squirting runs in the family.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
