I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my being single is dangerous.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
