Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
