true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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