I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
