I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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