Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
