just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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