I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Terrible idea I love it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
