I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
