so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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