If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
