but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize