is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
