atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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