break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
