You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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